– Mark Twain, 1835-1910

"I don't mind what the opposition say of me so long as they don't tell the truth about me. But when they descend to telling the truth about me I consider that this is taking an unfair advantage."

- Speech, 1879

"Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't."

- Following the Equator, Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar

"My own luck has been curious all my literary life; I never could tell a lie that anyone would doubt, nor a truth that anybody would believe."

- Following the Equator

"But it was ever thus, all through my life: whenever I have diverged from custom and principle and uttered a truth, the rule has been that the hearer hadn't strength of mind enough to believe it."

- Autobiography of Mark Twain

"I have not professionally dealt in truth. Many when they come to die have spent all the truth that was in them, and enter the next world as paupers. I have saved up enough to make an astonishment there."

- Mark Twain's Notebook

A tribute, with all do respect, to Edgar Lee Masters' Spoon River Anthology . . .

Cloudy's Boulders

Gold fever struck the County again back in the '80s just as it had generations before. The price was rising rapidly in far-flung places like New York City and many sought the amber riches. Now about this time, the Minnesota Mineral & Gold Exploration Co. contacted Tower's City Hall. The mining concern wanted to lease the rights to explore for gold on the City's Mud Creek properties.

Mayor Biggie Bunn's was excited. He was dreaming of riches. "This is the opportunity of a lifetime," he told the townfolk gathered at the daily meetings of the Liar's Club at the Tower Hotel. "When I'm done negotiating this deal the sidewalks of our small town will be paved with gold!" Mayor Bunns exclaimed to anyone who would listen to his grandiose dreams.

Time passed and correspondence between the City and Minnesota Minerals & Gold Exploration continued. A public meeting was scheduled. Almost everyone in town was excited. It was all anyone could talk about. Representatives from the urban exploration concern were going to make the trip north to Tower and Mayor Bunn's and his Council of sychophants were quite sure they could best the company and provide quick riches for themselves and their cronies.

No one in town was concerned that reality might be quite different from their expectations. It had been 120 years since anyone last believed they could find gold in the northern Minnesota hills and all those adventures ended in failure.

Dreams of riches went through everyone in the City and even to many of those living out in the woods in the townships. Everyone, that is, except for Cloudy.

Cloudy had a hard-earned reputation as being something of a curmudgeon. He was comfortably well off and had never found any get-rich-quick scheme to profit anyone.

The night of the Great Meeting finally arrived. The City Council Chanbers was filled to capacity and the over-flow crowd gathered in the White House Bar downstairs to nurse their brandies and keep close to the excitement. The Mayor even bought a new shirt for the occasion.

"Gentlemen, gentlemen, let us get started. This is a rare and important moment for our small City," Mayor Bunns stated, banging his Mayor's gavel on the table. The Minnesota Mineral men approached the podium and made their presentation. They were sure that the Tower hills were filled with gold! Charts and graphs were provided to prove their point. They then proposed that the City lease them the right to explore in exchange for a healthy peice of the action. 'Dreams do come true,' thought Mayor Bunns. The City banker was already counting the new deposits which would grace his vaults. Regular citizens dreamed of the new job opportunities which they could now avail themselves.

Cloudy, however, was skeptical. From way back in the room, behind the crowd of excited townsfolk, Cloudy's gravely voice stilled the room. "I don't know about all this," Cloudy stated, "I sure don't know if thar is any gold in dem hills, but sure-enough, I guar-an-tee you'll find plenty of boulders, har, har, har!"

Slim's Dream

Slim was an old 'shacker.' By this I mean that he lived in a shack. This is the name we give to men who live alone, in the woods, in insubstatial housing.

Slim wanted to be important-he wanted to be a hero.

Slim liked to start forest fires and then exhibit his bravery and hard work putting out the very same fires he started.

One autumn morning, when the wind came from the south, he started a fire which roared north towards Tower, passing through Kuglar on its way. Slim quickly went to work, excitedly attempting to prove his heroic nature. He took axe and saw and tried to clear a fire break in the woods. He could not stop the fire. The Department of Natural Resources responded. They called out local fire fighters. Together they were able to stop the blaze and save the Kuglar Town Hall. Fighting fires like this one can be expensive. The DNR spent over $180,000 fighting this one.

The local game warden, ususualy a lazy state employee, recently graduated from Arson School. He wanted to try out his new skills. He studied the fire. He looked at where the fire started. He could tell that an excellerent (fuel oil) was used to make the fire burn faster. He found a book of matches at the scene. He remembered how hard Slim worked. He knew Slim was trying to put out the fire just a short distance from where it started.

The game warden used psychology. There was a special chapter in his arson book about the motivations which cause men to start fires. He arrested Slim.

Slim was found guilty and fined $189.000 to cover the costs of putting out the fire and sentanced to two years labor on the County Work Farm. Slim lived just long enough to be released from the County Farm and to pay $169.48 of his fines. Slim was buried, without honors, on the hill in Potter's Field. He has never been remembered as a hero. Those of us who remember him at all remember him as a 'fire-bug.'

Jed Fill's Death House

undergoing...

The Last Sauna

Arvid Arvxllx lived a long and healthy life. At 89 he still cut his own firewood and built a fire in his sauna stove for his daily bath. Then at age 90, tripping as he climbed up the sauna benches, he fell upon that stove and lie there until he was cooked clean through while Norman his son sat upstairs finishing his dinner.

Young Gentry's trip to the big city

Coming soon...